Movie Minute sponsored by Joanne Wu

Joanne Wu ladies and gentlemen. You don't know you better ask somebody. This one's for those of you who aren't infatuated with sports (though I gotta warn you there's gonna be some sports in here) and just want something else to think about. So, anyways, here's how this came about. I was conversing with my girl Sarah last week while we were watching TV and the commercial for the new Eddie Murphy movie Imagine That came on. So Sarah was like, "Man, that new Eddie Murphy movie doesn't look too good." So I replied, "Do you ever remember seeing a good Eddie Murphy movie?" And she answered "No, I don't." Then I responded, "Yeah, me neither really. I guess his prime was before our time." And that of course got me thinking about sports. Say some little kid who's just getting into basketball watches a Phoenix Suns (or perhaps Cleveland Cavaliers) game next season and sees Shaquille O'Neal out there. He hears the commentators speaking with reverence about Shaq and how great he is. But as he's watching the game he notices Shaq isn't even one of the 5 best players on the court. What are these commentators talking about?? And so it's the same for people like me and Sarah for Eddie Murphy. We've grown up hearing his name spoken with great respect and reverence like he's the king of comedy, but we can't recall a good Eddie Murphy flick that's come out since we started really watching movies. And the main reason for that is because Eddie did his best work before our time. So does the stage an actor is in his career determine how good the movie is going to be?? It's like if you had Clippers season tickets. You're not going to go to the game to see the Clippers play. But you're definitely going when LeBron James comes to town. However, if Shaq's the main attraction coming in, are you going to fight downtown LA traffic to see him out of shape and with diminished abilities?? That's up for debate. Just like it's debatable whether I want to put up $13 or whatever ridiculous amount movies cost these days to see another Eddie Murphy movie where he's not as good as he used to be. Let's explore this correlation more: can we tell, just by looking at the actors and thinking about what stage their career is in, how good the movie is going to be?

Let's start with these guidelines. A "good movie" is one where either the acting performances are great (something Oscar worthy like No Country for Old Men), the movie is just overall entertaining (think Dark Knight), or it's a blockbuster that makes a ton of money (like Terminator: Salvation, because let's face it, Christian Bale isn't turning down $100 million for 3 Terminator movies just like Jerome James isn't turning down over $6 million a year to play for the Knicks (for those of you asking who Jerome James is and why he gets paid so much...my point exactly), and besides, people go and watch those blockbusters no matter how crappy they are) and I'm not including voiceovers for animated movies. Also, this isn't an end-all be-all list, just people that came into my head off the top. First we start with the guys who make you go to the movies and settle in with some popcorn. I broke them down into different categories:

Superstars:
Here are some guys who will make you spend that money to see them on the big screen. First, there are the big guns who are in their primes right now, and practically every movie they star in is a hit. The NBA equivalent would be a LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or Carmelo Anthony. This is their time.

Matt Damon
After bursting onto the scene in the late 90s with movies like Good Will Hunting (1997), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Rounders (1998), Dogma (1999), and The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999), Damon had made himself a name. That's already an impressive list of movies even before he hit his peak, sort of like how Kobe won those 3 titles by age 23. Damon's prime began around 2001, with the first Ocean's movie, Ocean's 11. Since then he's been part of a couple famous trilogies, Ocean's and the amazingly entertaining Bourne trilogy. That's 6 movies for 2 roles! (There's certainly something to be said about efficiency there) He's also been in Syriana (2005), The Good Shepherd (2006), and The Departed (2006). Another good thing about Damon is that he usually doesn't take roles for movies that aren't destined for greatness, as he's been quiet since The Bourne Supremacy hit theaters in 2007.

Leonardo DiCaprio
Leo started out at the top with his role in the smash hit Titanic (1997). That movie was so big, it's like combining Kobe's early rings into a mega-ring. Leo didn't flame out like other stars who started out in the fast lane. Rather, he too has shown a knack for only taking good roles. Since he hit his prime around 2002 he's been featured in Gangs of New York (2002), Catch Me If You Can (2002), The Aviator (2004), The Departed (2006), Blood Diamond (2006), Body of Lies (2008), and Revolutionary Road (2008). No real misses there, huh? If Leo's a part of it, you can count on it being worth your while.

Christian Bale
Bale got his first exposure in American Psycho (2000). However, he didn't become a big-time star until he landed the role of Batman in Batman Begins (2005). He parlayed his success there into more roles such as Rescue Dawn (2006), The Prestige (2006), 3:10 to Yuma (2007), The Dark Knight (2008), Terminator Salvation (2009), and the upcoming Public Enemies (2009). He's got his hands in 2 different blockbuster series, as well as roles in other major movies (That Prestige, Yuma, Dark Knight threesome is about as good as it gets in terms of three straight entertaining movies from the same guy). He's right in the middle of his prime and if you see his name on the billing, you can be pretty sure it's for something good.

There's another category of superstar. The guys who are still great, but are a little advanced in their years. But that doesn't mean they're inferior. It means they know what it takes to win and deliver amazing performances when the need arises. Someone in the later stages of their prime, such as Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, or Tim Duncan (winners of the last 3 NBA championships). Who corresponds to this role in the movie world?

Denzel Washington
Who better fits this category then Denzel? He's been around for a long time, but he's still one of the most sought-after actors in Hollywood. His absolute peak probably came from 2000-2004 with movies such as Remember the Titans (2000), an Academy award for his performance in Training Day (2001), John Q (2002), Antwone Fisher (2002), Out of Time (2003), and Man on Fire (2004- in my opinion the most underrated film this decade. Absolutely loved it). Since then his schedule has thinned a bit and he's made a couple iffy movies, but has also turned up in some great ones like Inside Man (2006), American Gangster (2007), and (possibly, I've heard good initial reviews at least) Pelham 123 (2009). He's still the number 1 black guy out there (I swear that's not racist, just making an observation) and you're in for a great performance if he's on the screen.

Russell Crowe
This guy I trust to make a good movie. Crowe has had several brilliant performances that drew critical acclaim from the Academy in his prime, from about 1999-2005. It started with an Oscar nod for The Insider (1999), followed by an Oscar trophy for the great Gladiator (2000) that is on so many guys' favorites list. Then came Proof of Life (2000), another Oscar nod for A Beautiful Mind (2001), Master and Commander (2003), and Cinderella Man (2005). Since then Crowe has been off the Oscar scene but still in entertaining movies. He's been in 3:10 to Yuma (2007), American Gangster (2007), Body of Lies (2008), all of which he shared a leading role with another prominent man on this list (Bale, Washington, and DiCaprio respectively). Chances are it's a good movie if Russell Crowe is in it.

There are also those guys who are still big name box office draws, but don't deliver quite the way they used to. They still get paid top dollar and can provide a big performance at times, but you can't count on them every time like you could in the past. NBA examples include Jason Kidd, Ray Allen, and Shaquille O'Neal. As for Hollywood:

Tom Cruise
Admit it, he's fallen off. He has. He started as a young hot shot in Risky Business (1983) and Top Gun (1986) followed by a couple other good movies like A Few Good Men (1992) before hitting his prime around 1996 with the first Mission: Impossible flick. He kept it up until about 2004 with Jerry Maguire (1996), Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Magnolia (1999), Mission: Impossible II (2000), Vanilla Sky (2001), Minority Report (2002), The Last Samurai (2003), and Collateral (2004). Quite an impressive resume. But really, what has he done since then? Besides marry Katie Holmes and join the Church of Scientology. Here is his work in the last 5 years: War of the Worlds (2005), MI3 (2006- it doesn't deserve the full title), Lions for Lambs (2007), and Valkyrie (2008). His best role in that stretch probably came in his smallest and least known role in Tropic Thunder (2008). At least he was funny there.

Tom Hanks
Another big name who hasn't put together anything grand lately. Back in the day he was brilliant, delivering numerous great performances and being part of genuinely entertaining movies. His best stretch was clearly from 1994-2002 starting with the lovable Forrest Gump (1994), followed by Apollo 13 (1995), Saving Private Ryan (1998), The Green Mile (1999), Cast Away (2000), Road to Perdition (2002), and Catch Me If You Can (2002). Since then you can't tell me his stuff has been up to the same standard. Since '02 he's been in The Ladykillers (2004), The Terminal (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Great Buck Howard (2008), Charlie Wilson's War (2007), and Angels & Demons (2009). There may be a couple good films in there, but nothing like in his prime. What he got paid to do Da Vinci and Angels is like what Shaq's getting paid to put up 16 and 8 every other game in Phoenix.

There are also people who's careers are tragically cut short in their prime. For actors, I am referring to the late Heath Ledger who was just getting started with an Oscar nod for Brokeback Mountain (2005) and a posthumous win for The Dark Knight (2008). Sad story indeed, going before the age of 30. Reminds me of a certain NBA player who went the same way, before he was 30. I'm speaking, of course, about Tracy McGrady. Remember earlier this decade when he won back-to-back scoring titles and was a nightly triple-double threat? Tragedy for the league to lose him so early. Wait...say what??? T-Mac is still alive? REALLY?!?!?! Oh thank God! Where is he?? Houston?! But...we just played a whole series against the Rockets...it would have been a huuge story if T-Mac had FINALLY made it out of the first round. Oh...he didn't play because of ANOTHER injury so it doesn't count. Now I get it. Thanks. Sorry Tracy. Get well soon. If that's at all possible. This takes nothing away from Heath though. I wish his fantastic Joker could have carried on. (Did I do this whole paragraph for the sole purpose of making fun of Tracy McGrady for a while?? You bet I did)

Role Players:
As with the superstars, there is more than one type of role player. The first kind that I want to highlight is the kind that CAN be a leading guy, but won't necessarily be the best player on a championship team. In the NBA, it would be a guy like Pau Gasol, Ray Allen, or Paul Pierce. Guys that are all stars and can carry a team to the playoffs, but don't have what it takes to get their teams over the hump on their own. However, when you put them on a team where they can be the number two or even number three guy and you've got a title contender in the making. In Hollywood, this would be someone who can carry a good movie by themselves, but when you see them second or third on the bill, you know it has to be a good movie. Someone like:

Edward Norton
He's done well in the leading role, doing good acting work in entertaining movies such as The Incrdible Hulk (2008--the good one), The Painted Veil (2006), The Illusionist (2006), 25th Hour (2002), and American History X (1998). However, aside from maybe Hulk, none of those movies were especially popular and Norton's good work as the lead guy went largely unnoticed. But he has made movies in which he was the second or third guy that have drawn large numbers of viewers to theaters. Movies such as Rounders (1998), The Italian Job (2003), Red Dragon (2002), Kingdom of Heaven (2005), and of course Fight Club (1999) had people saying "Hey, that one guy was pretty good wasn't he? The one that wasn't Brad Pitt."

Don Cheadle
Cheadle did get an Oscar nod for a leading actor gig in Hotel Rwanda (2004), but Ray Allen made a few all star teams with the Sonics too. Other films faturing Cheadle as top dog have flown largely under the radar, like Talk to Me (2007) and Traitor (2008). The latter was a better terrorist/spy flick than Body of Lies in my opinion, despite lacking the budget, star power, and popularity. However, audiences most recognize Cheadle in smaller roles in more popular movies, such as the three Ocean's movies (2001, 2004, 2007), Swordfish (2001), Rush Hour 2 (2001), Crash (2004), and Reign Over Me (2007). If Cheadle at the top of the bill doesn't make you go watch the movie, Cheadle a little further down definitely should.

There are also certain role players that are integral to championship teams. Guys who sacrifice their own stats and glory for good of the team, doing what it takes to win. They defend, hustle and hit big shots to take their teams to the top. Guys like Robert Horry or James Posey, who both won championships for multiple teams playing important roles. While neither was a star or a flashy scoring option, they both got the job done and their teams always seemed to win. Just as in the NBA there are guys in Hollywood who are never big-time stars, but always seem to show up in big, popular, or entertaining movies. A couple of them are:

Gary Oldman
He's a name that most people probably wouldn't recognize, but his face has been in many big movies the past couple of decades. He has a knack for getting roles in blockbusters or other entertaining movies, like Dracula (1992), The Fifth Element (1997), Air Force One (1997), Hannibal (2001), Harry Potter (the third, fourth, and fifth one--he played Sirius), Batman Begins (2005), and The Dark Knight (2008), the last two as Comissioner Gordon. Chances are that it's something big if Gary Oldman is involved.

William H. Macy
This one was passed along to me from Sarah while I was pondering another person who fit this category. Turns out Macy fits it well enough. His name and face may be a little more recognizable than Oldman's, but most people probably don't realize the movies they've seen him in. Movies that include Andersonville (1996), Fargo (1996), Air Force One (1997), Boogie Nights (1997), Wag the Dog (1997), Pleasantville (1998), Magnolia (1999), Jurassic Park III (2001), Seabiscuit (2003), Thank You For Smoking (2005), and Bobby (2006). Quite an impressive list of movies that most people hardly noticed him in. And yet, there he is, part of a cast that made those big movies.

Veteran Presence:
There are always those guys who will go anywhere for a chance to win a ring. They are often nearing the end of their careers and sign with a title contender for a small cut of what they made in their heydays, looking for either another ring or a first ring. They are said to bring a veteran presence to the locker room, someone the team can look up to for leadership and guidance. Players that fit this description include Karl Malone and Gary Payton with the '04 Lakers, Payton with the '06 Heat, or Michael Finley with the '07 Spurs. In recent years, movies have seen guys like this too. Guys who used to be big-time stars and are now nearing the ends of their careers. So they take on a smaller role in order to still be a part of a big or popular movie in the hopes that their faces and names will be once more associated with greatness. Examples of this type of actor are Jack Nicholson in The Departed (2006), Morgan Freeman in the new Batman movies, and Samuel L. Jackson in the newer (but older) Star Wars movies. If a former big name pops up in a supporting role of a movie, there's a possibility that it's a big-time blockbuster.

Overpaid/Overrated:
There are always NBA players who are making waaaay more money than they should be (ahem, Luke Walton, ahem). Some guys are paid like superstars when in reality they're mediocre at best. The best example of this kind of player came last year, when Stephon Marbury was being paid $21 million dollars...and the Knicks didn't even want him to practice with them. By the end of the end of the season he had jumped on the Celtics bandwagon to win a title, only he didn't (hence he didn't make the above category, plus his presence only brings negative energy into a locker room) and it showed just how bad his contract really was. There are some actors in Hollywood who are paid the big bucks for supposedly blockbuster movies that absolutely bomb. Others are in high demand, yet haven't made a good movie in years and aren't anywhere close to what the once were. I know I compared Eddie Murphy to Shaq earlier, but I think he has been going down so long, and yet makes so many movies, that he has to go under overrated. So let's start there:

Eddie Murphy
I already stated my reasons for putting him here so let's just get to the list shall we?? A comedy legend, here's his work over the last 13 years since he made the orginal Nutty Professor (1996): Metro (1997), Doctor Dolittle (1998), Holy Man (1998), Life (1999), Bowfinger (1999), Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001), Showtime (2002), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), I Spy (2002), Daddy Daycare (2003), The Haunted Mansion (2003), Dreamgirls (2006), Norbit (2007), Meet Dave (2008), Imagine That (2009). That's 16 movies over the last 13 years. So he's averaging a little more than 1 per year. Look at that list. How many good movies are in there? How many crappy ones? Does someone with that resume over the last THIRTEEN YEARS still deserve to be in more than one movie per year??? I think not.

Keanu Reeves
Sure, he's the chosen one. But really, other than The Matrix (1999), where does Keanu's superstar reputation come from?? Why is he still in big movies?? Even the Matrix sequels sucked. And as for The Replacements (2000), The Watcher (2000), The Gift (2000), Sweet November (2001), Hardball (2001), Something's Gotta Give (2003), Ellie Parker (2005), Thumbsucker (2005), Constantine (2005), The Lake House (2006), Street Kings (2008), and The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008), well, what do you think? He's got basically the same personality in every movie, and it's clearly not working. Stick to Neo buddy.

Ben Affleck
He was destined to be a star, coming up with good friend Matt Damon. He was supposed to be the bigger star out of the two in fact, quickly garnering more big roles than Damon. But his success story sank like a ship in his last hit movie Pearl Harbor (2001). He followed that up with a few run of the mill movies like Daddy and Them (2001), Changing Lanes (2002), The Sum of All Fears (2002), The Third Wheel (2002), and Daredevil (2003). Then he really hit the wall in the form girlfriend Jennifer Lopez's ass. He made...Gigli (2003). Nothing says "I love you" like filming the worst movie of the decade with that special someone! It's been all downhill from there for Ben. I mean, how can you take someone seriously after a disaster like Gigli? The J-Lo experience clearly shook him up, though he still retains some notoriety from his old days. Since the Gigli debacle he's been in Paycheck (2003), Jersey Girl (2004), Surviving Christmas (2004), Man About Town (2006), Hollywoodland (2006), Smokin' Aces (2006), and a small, unpublicized part in State of Play (2009), a movie he would have starred in 10 years ago. Moral of this story? Beware the lure of the Bodonkadonk.

To wrap it all up, I attempted (emphasis on attempted) to come up with a way to tell if a movie is worth going to or not by looking at who's acting in it and what stage of their career that actor is in, like deciding which Clippers game you want to go to by gauging the entertainment their opponent brings to the court. If they're in their prime like Damon or DiCaprio, it's a go. If they're later in their primes like a Denzel or Crowe it's a pretty good bet, but you can't be 100% sure. If they're on the downslope like the Toms, wait til it's out on DVD. When you see a guy like Norton or Cheadle a couple spots down the bill, you can count on the movie being good. If a legend is down in that range, the movie is probably going to make a lot of money. And if Neo or Benny Bodonk is the leading guy...just stay away. Remember, this isn't a be-all end-all list. There are plenty of people I didn't mention and maybe even guys who can fit multiple categories. This was just off the top of my head, something that I've been mulling over and felt like getting down on paper, or the Internet. Whatever. Anyways, if anyone else can think of any other actor who fits a category or an entirely new category or if you disagree with where I placed certain people then put it down in your comments. You've got to admit this is at least interesting to think about. Right? Or maybe I just wasted the last week of my life...