By now we’re all used to the concept of power rankings within individual sports as a snapshot of how teams are faring at a specific moment in time. But what about power ranking sports themselves and examining the impact of each on America’s society and culture? And do the tastes of Muslims differ from the broader American public? If you’ve got questions like that occupying your brain space (And who doesn’t, am I right?) then you’ve come to the right place. Read on!
Note: All rankings are 100% subjective. Now that you’ve read the warning label…
America
1. NFL football
It’s only like a 12 kajillion dollar industry with about 6 zillion faithful fans (all numbers approximate). In a country that prides itself in doing things the way the rest of the world doesn’t, you’d expect nothing less than fervent passion for a sport bestowed with the same name as the world’s most beloved game. (That would be soccer to those diehard patriots out there. U-S-A!)
2. College Football
When it comes to football, America just can’t stop, won’t stop!
3. NBA Basketball
It wasn’t so very long ago (relatively speaking) that basketball was a niche sport reserved for “thugs” and “hoodlums”. But over the past three decades basketball has gone mainstream, coinciding with the hip-hop genre’s rise to pop music dominance. If you’re a kid interested in picking up a sport, know this: it’s cooler to be good at basketball than at any other sport. (Unless you happen to be a stud quarterback in the making. Then do the American thing and play football.) I mean come on, would you rather stand around a baseball field for 3 hours chewing gum, watching the clouds roll past or do you want to straight Mozgov fools? (Related sidenote: My 2011 intramural basketball team was named “Oh me oh my, you just got Mozgoved!” What up, Ralph Lawler!)
4. Golf
Surprised? You’ll understand when you’re older. Here’s a quick tip for you though (I used this strategy to devastating effect during this summer’s U.S. Open) - if you want to take a nap on a weekend afternoon but can’t fall asleep, tune in to some golf and prepare to K.T.F.O. (Possibly related sidenote: My 2010 intramural basketball team was named “Tiger’s Wood”. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.)
5. MMA
It’s the hottest thing on the block, quickly overtaking boxing as America’s combat sport du jour. I remember one Saturday night last fall, I went out to dinner with my family in San Diego’s Gaslamp district and noticed that every single bar in the area was packed out the wazoo with dudes trying to catch that night’s UFC pay-per-view. I may not have jumped on the bandwagon yet, but if a fighter named Tyler Durden ever bursts onto the scene, I’m on board.
6. MLB Baseball
America’s pastime is firmly stuck in the past. In today’s on-demand world, it’s frankly impossible to sit through a baseball game when you have to wait nearly 40 seconds between pitches. Other sports have changed with the times and sped up. (Increased athleticism, small ball lineups and Steve-Nash-inspired run-and-gun offenses in the NBA. The rise of pass-heavy, no huddle offenses in the NFL.) Step your game up, baseball!
7. College Basketball
Even as an avid basketball fan I tend to avoid watching regular season NCAA hoops. But for one month out of the year, college basketball takes over the nation’s sporting landscape and I temporarily switch my major to Bracketology. (Hi, Professor Lunardi.) March Madness somehow manages to live up to the hype every year and its first weekend is one of my favorite couch potato weekends on the calendar.
8. High School Football
No, seriously…
9. NHL Hockey
On the list of Canadian sensations to cross over into mainstream U.S. culture (The Biebster, Drake, Ryan Gosling, “Call Me Maybe”, my beloved Steve Nash) hockey ranks somewhere between maple syrup and Mounties. For real though, hockey is sneaky fun to watch. It’s fast-paced, has few pauses, has fewer commercial breaks, and the commentators make every shot sound fantastically exciting. Did I come out of hockey hibernation to jump on the LA Kings bandwagon on their incredible run to the Stanley Cup last spring? Abso-freaking-lutely.
10. World Football (aka Soccer)
It’s funny. In America, nearly everyone plays soccer as a kid – yours truly included – yet hardly anyone turns out to be a soccer player. However, the sport is slowly catching on thanks to more aggressive promotion by ESPN (their way of ensuring that making it rain for the rights to broadcast the World Cup is actually worth it), kids trying to stay ahead of the curve (There are hipsters in sports too!) and the growing success of the FIFA video game franchise. (Yes, kids, video games can change the world…maybe.)
Muslimerica
1. NBA Basketball
What is it about basketball that draws us in so easily? It speaks to us more than football even though neither sport is really played at all in the Muslim World. For me personally, though I obsessively follow several sports, basketball was my first love and continues to be my favorite game to watch and play. If only I had an ounce of athleticism somewhere in my body…*sigh*.
2. NFL Football
After all, we do live in America right? With the NFL probably more popular than every other sport combined in the U.S., it’s actually pretty amazing that it rates behind basketball for Muslims. The vast majority of brothers I know are into basketball, yet a surprising amount of those same brothers either don’t know anything about football or have only recently come around to following it. My theory? Muslimericans (Is it catching on yet?) live predominantly in large metropolitan areas, and in particular along both coasts where there are more basketball teams and fewer football teams than in the flyover states.
3. World Football (aka Soccer)
Take that, America! We are the 99%!
4. English Premier League Football
So nice, we had to do it twice. Really, the EPL is so popular that it deserves its own ranking alongside soccer as a whole. During last year’s NBA lockout, I decided to begin following the EPL for reals in order to maximize my time wasted during the fall. A year later, I still haven’t settled on a team to root for. Any suggestions? (The trusty NBA-to-Global Football Translator created by the always brilliant Men in Blazers recommended Chelsea based on my affinity for the Los Angeles Lakers. After watching the Blues win a Champions League title several months later it started to make sense. But I can still be bought. Just sayin’…)
5. MMA
Finally, something we rate equally with the American public! My man Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda leading the charge on this one (#bawsse).
6. College Basketball
It’s not so much that we like college hoops more than the society we live in. It’s more like we’re pretty selective when it comes to sports. We don’t do the baseball, golf or hockey thing. But we fill out enough brackets to bump NCAA basketball up to No. 6 on our list.
7. College Football
Once again, it’s basketball over football: college edition.
8. Tennis
Not so much as a spectator sport, though I daresay we do follow the bouncing yellow balls more than the average American. It’s more the participation in the sport that fuels its ranking. A big shout out to all the sisters boosting our tennis numbers!
9. Boxing
Get the feeling that Amir Khan is carrying the team on his back though.
10. Track and Field
Things I can do between 2 pitches in baseball:
- Floss my teeth
- Make my bed
- Watch Don Draper say what literally dozens of times
- Post a status on Facebook about how slow baseball is
- Fall asleep
Yeah, we really don’t do the baseball thing. But don’t worry, America, I still love apple pie!
